Rating: NC17
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Summary: Xander's been feeling a little out of sorts. Harboring a secret life, he finds something to care about in a place he would never expect…

A/N: This is set after season six, disregarding a few factors. Spike never had sex with Anya, he never tried to rape Buffy, and he never went away to gain his soul in the last episode.
Written for Tgray, who requested anything besides Daddykink. I hope you like this. I put a lot of days into it.

Love of the Loveless


The Bronze, virtual breeding ground for all things Sunnydale. Mostly teenagers. It's the place to hang, meet people, sneak a drink. And when he was a teen he enjoyed it with the lot of them. But even though he still enjoyed going to the Bronze every once in a while, it wasn't really his scene. Not anymore.

He realized that when the first thing he'd notice walking in was that the door frame was slightly off kilter. And when that pretty young girl was checking him out he wondered if her parents knew she was out that late. Girls dancing on the tables, and first thing to his mind was that they could fall and break their necks.

Now he doesn't like admitting it, in fact he never admitted it to anyone but himself. But Xander Harris grew up. Yep, that's right, he was beginning to hit the numbers. Lose those precious brain cells. Take that long roll up the hill. He was getting on in years.

So occasionally he'd tag along with the girls to the old spot and sit and watch them dance. Every once in a while shake a leg of his own. It was great to see the girls enjoying themselves. After everything that had happened in the last few years, much with the death and destruction, he liked to watch them smile, laugh and generally have a good time.

After Anya took up vengeancing again he knew there was no longer a chance for them. And he was finally okay with that. There were too many fears on his mind wedding day and after to allow their relationship to do anything but fester. He just knew he couldn't do that to her. Marry her and destroy her like that.

Xander shook his head, focusing in on some guy Dawn was talking to. He didn't like any guys who talked to Dawn and this one smelt like trouble. Not that he could smell trouble but he knew a 'trouble' guy when he saw one.

He stood up, walking over to her. "Hey Dawnster, let's dance." He led her by an arm to the dance floor and smirked at the 'trouble' guy's face as his game was ruined.

Xander smiled. He wasn't really good at fighting demons, reading their languages, or doing spells or anything like that. But he was happy that he could do this. He was-- is a guy. He knows what goes on in their heads.

And he had to admit that Dawnie was pretty. She had really grown over the years and sixteen was a dangerous age. He was so proud of her, going on as happily as she could manage after being caught giving herself the five finger discount practically every where in town. But she had finally repaid every debt and stores were allowing her back in. Well, as long as she was with an adult.

Willow, though not totally over her magic problem or the death of Tara, was starting to look like her old self. It was as though killing Warren had ruined nothing at all for her. But Xander knew his best friend and tried to have her talk with him as often as possible. He knew she was broken inside and he was helping her pick up and fix all the different pieces.

Buffy was doing much better with dealing with life after her experience. Xander couldn't even imagine what it must be like for her, to have been in a place like that and be suddenly torn out and placed back down here.

But everyone seemed to be doing really well…everyone but him, that was. Oh, he put up a good front, but that was always something he could manage.

He was still bleeding inside and it was as though it would never stop. He no longer had Anya, and everyone seemed to be working up to a point where they didn't need him any longer. He'd felt alone before, but this was so much worse.

Surrounded by people and yet totally and utterly lost. He was all smiles and wit on the outside but inside it ached, like nothing ever before. He figured that probably was the reason for his departure now. The need for an escape.

This wasn't the first time he had left the girls before the night's end…or really night's onset really; he had done it before. And he knew exactly where he was headed. He swung by his apartment for more appropriate clothes before making his way there.

Ah, Copper Field, a virtual threshold for all things dark. Most know the place as 'Cop a feel' and Xander hadn't even known it existed until three weeks ago. He had been in a bar, getting as drunk as possible, and overheard some guys talking about the place. They had made it sound like heaven and, intrigued and drunk, Xander made his way over there.

When he got there he was shocked at what he witnessed. It was a gay Bronze of sorts and pretty hidden in it's whereabouts. Xander was so far gone that he didn't dare stay inside. He turned and made his way home and it took him two days to find it again. And it took him till the very end of the week to work himself up enough to stay inside for more than a few minutes.

But when Xander finally let himself loosen up he realized he really liked the place. It was his little secret and it always made him excited to walk through the doors. It was something he would have never done as a kid but it was something that he really enjoyed now.

At this place he was fresh meat and everyone looked at him as though they wanted to eat him. And yeah, so they were all male eyes but he still appreciated it. He'd never felt like this before. With all the girls he had ever been with, it was always about them. How they looked, how they felt, what they wanted.

Here it was about him, how he looked, how he felt, what he wanted. At first he had been uncomfortable. He wasn't gay, and he didn't like people looking at him as though he were. But now he dressed the part. He wanted eyes on him; he craved the attention and the way it made him feel.

It was even better when he was dancing. There were no boundaries on the dance floor and Xander found he needed the feel of bodies against him after so long with no sexual contact at all. No, his hand didn't count.

When he got to the door the bouncer looked him over and let him in. It made him laugh, thinking back on when he discovered the place and he wondered how a guy like him got in in the first place.

Walking into the place he looked ahead of him, sunglasses sat in front of his eyes, obscuring his vision but raising his courage and self esteem. He could feel eyes on him all the way to the bar. He wore a charcoal grey cotton t-shit two sizes too small to show off what he had managed to obtain doing heavy duty on the sites.

His dark blue denim jeans were tight as well and though they were some work getting into they were worth the trouble. When he had found the place Xander had rummaged through all his old clothes in attempts to find something suitable. Finding nothing, he ended up taking two buses out of town and back to buy new clothes from people who didn't know his name or face.

He didn't wear a belt or underwear, for easy access. Though he had never really experimented that far. He had seen some guys doing... things, in the bathrooms and on the dance floor but he hadn't done more than grinding on the dance floor. Which was good enough for him; having nothing but rough denim between some guy and his arousal was really stimulating. He found he liked it a hell of a lot more then grinding with a girl. Not that he'd ever had much of a chance to do any grinding with anyone but Anya.

He leaned over the bar, signaling the bartender over. "Rum and coke." He knew it was a small drink compared to everyone else's but he really didn't much care to be out of it. He didn't want to miss anything that went on in this place. The bartender fixed his drink and he took it, turned and leaned on the bar. He surveyed his surroundings as he gulped down the sweet/bitter liquid mix.

When he was almost finished with it he placed it on the bar and walked out to the dance floor. He was never really a great dancer, per say, but the place didn't require skill. A guy danced over to him and pushed his back against Xander's front. Hands finding Xander's hip, the guy danced against him in a way Xander had found he enjoyed, possibly more then he should.

He didn't quite know when he took his leave of hetville but he was sure he didn't have residency there any longer. Not that he thought he had taken up house in gaydale but he wasn't going to lie to himself that he didn't enjoy coming here. That he didn't enjoy what this place did for him.

Granted, it was all still weird. Guys looking at him, talking him up, touching him. But it wasn't quite as bad as he had always imagined it.

"Come here often?" someone breathed in his ear. A body came up behind him, grinding against his back, an arm twining across his chest. "Cause I can make you come right now."

Xander laughed and pushed against the body behind him, pulling the guy in front with him as well. Did those lines really work? He thought the lines guys used on girls were pathetic, the ones they used on guys were even worse.

Hair slicked back like he had seen Spike do so many times, Xander turned his head to the guy. "You want some of this?"

He almost broke down in hysterical laughter. He couldn't help but be high on the power he had in this place. He was no one, he was everyone, he was anything he wanted. The guy rubbed his erection against Xander's denim covered ass. "That answer your question?"

"Sorry, my price's too high for you." He tilted his head down, looking at the guy over his sunglasses, and licked his lips.

"Jackass," the guy said, walking away, and Xander beamed. He'd be back, for some reason they always were. He liked it though. He let go of the guy in front of him and went to get another drink.

Xander had given himself rules. A sort of how to-survival guide for his fake image's reputation. He wanted to be the most wanted but he didn't want to be the most had. Besides, if he did anything with anyone then the truth would be out. He didn't know anything about being with another guy and he didn't want anyone in this place discovering it. So the rules:

First #1 - No dancing with one person for too long.

Secondly #2 - Never accept an offer.

Thirdly #3 - Never take off the glasses, they make the image.

And lastly #4 - No telling anyone who you really are.

He knew he should probably have more but he couldn't be bothered. Most of the times he had offers he didn't even see the guy he refused. The lighting in the place was bad enough and his sunglasses only added dark to the dark. But he could only be this person he made up if he had something to keep him alive. That was the shades.

He looked at his watch and sighed. Work day tomorrow and he had to get up really early. He was just about to leave the place when a guy struck his fancy. If he hadn't killed him himself Xander would swear that was Jesse. The guy caught his eye and motioned him over. He found his legs walking forward even as his brain yelled he had to get out.

Spike hated the day but he couldn't manage to get any sleep so he stayed up, flipping through daytime TV. Which was bloody boring if you asked him. He took another drink from his beer, not quite listening to the stupid soap bloke on the telly. Things had been quiet as of late. Ever since Buffy came back he wasn't needed to watch the Niblet and then he wasn't needed to help fight anymore and finally Buffy had ended the thing between them. Whatever that had been. He had been sure he was in love with her but he couldn't be sure anymore. He had always felt as if his dead heart was beating when she was around but now…

Now she was gone and he didn't think of her as often as he thought he might. Yeah, she hurt him, but he figured he was probably over it by now since he could think of it without wanting or having to break something. He wouldn't ever admit it but life was boring without the Scoobies. He had no mates--well, maybe he could count Clem but besides that there was really no one.

He disgusted most of the demon community by killing off not only their kind but his own. He was like a bloody Hannibal only without the eating of parts. Because as appetizing as eating dead flesh was--he shuddered--he wasn't some puppet zombie.

He went to the fridge and grabbed a cold pig blood pack. It was right disgusting what he'd been reduced too. He was running out of money, blood and pride. Figured he probably needed to pay a visit to the twits whether he wanted to or not.

Too bored to sit around, he grabbed his blanket and made a dash for the Summers' house.

When he got towards it he could hear talking just beyond the walls. Bingo! How'd he known they'd all be hanging around there.

He dashed for the back door, rapping on it. "Spike?!"

"Niblet? What 're you doing home? Shouldn't you be learnin' the way of a mindless drone?"

Dawn laughed, sputtered, then went into a coughing fit. "Think I caught like the flu or something." A sneeze emphasized the possibility of her answer.

Spike shook his head. Humans were so weak. They were in the middle of a sunshine state and the kid still managed to get sick. Never would survive a winter in Europe.

"Where you been, Spike? I haven't --sneeze-- seen you in a while."

Spike was glad he couldn't catch anything anymore. "Been around, Bit. Your big sis home?"

Dawn shook her head. Spike could have sworn he'd heard them all. Maybe he was losing it.


"Yeah, she's in there with Xander." Dawn pointed to the living room. "I was just getting a drink--sneeze--want something?"

"Tell ya what. How 'bout I get you something." At this rate she'd contaminate the whole house, not that he cared. "What d'ya want?"

"OJ's good."

He went to the fridge, got out the juice and poured her a cup. "So," she practically bounced. "What brings you here?"

"Got some business to attend to." Spike smirked and walked into the living room. At first he couldn't believe it but then he couldn't ignore it. Xander was radiating it like a town after a nuclear blast. The boy had been to 'Cop a feel'. He knew that smell anywhere.

And he wondered if the boy knew it was known mostly for it's vampire attendees. He doubted it. But the fact that the boy had been there at all drew his attention. Wasn't this the kid who was always stating his sexual preference for women and only women? Didn't know he went for blokes too. This was interesting.

Boy could at least have washed up a bit more. He still reeked of whatever man it was he was with last night. Not that Spike cared.

"Please Xander, someone needs to look after Dawn and Buffy has that thing. And I can't stay. I know it's short notice but it's important."

Xander didn't look like he was putting up much of a fight, not that he could ever manage to anyway against the patented Willow face. Actually, the boy looked tired.

"Fine, Wills, but not for long. The work on the site's real important and I gotta get back."

"I can stay alo-sneeze--ne you know."

Willow and Xander both looked towards her and their mouths fell open. "Spike!?!"

"In the flesh," Spike said with a snort, falling onto one of the seats in the living room.

"What are you--" "What do you want now, bleached wonder?"

"Need some blood, bit of money."

Willow shook her head. "Great to have you back, Spike, but--" She put her hands on her temple. "I don't think we can." She looked at Xander's watch and gasped, rushing towards the door. "I really gotta go. Thanks Xan."

She closed the door behind her and Dawn collapsed onto the couch next to Xander. She looked over at Spike. "We're kinda low on funds."

Spike nodded but couldn't help feeling shafted yet again. He was the one stuck with a chip in his head. Kind of hard to get food if you can't just take it from the source.

"Why don't you get a job like the rest of us?" Xander said and Spike scowled.

"Well, you get me some of that great suntan lotion you got, whelp, and I'll see what I can do."

"You can get a night job, Spike."

"Not bloody likely."

Dawn sneezed and both men turned. She rubbed at an already reddening nose and gave a small smile. "Wanna watch TV?"

It was a long, seemingly endless day before Xander managed to escape home. Not that he minded Dawnie; poor girl was out about an hour after Willow left. Xander had gone to get her something in the kitchen and when he got back Spike was carrying her out of the room. Brought her all the way up to her bedroom too. The vamp even tucked her in, it was all very odd.

But after that Spike wouldn't leave, apparently determined to wait out Buffy. Xander huffed, slipping into his club clothes. If ever there was a day he needed to get out…

He grabbed a blood red shirt and pulled on his denims. Before he left he grabbed his shades and decided against slicking back his hair today. He wasn't in the mood for the hell of washing it out later.

When he got to the club he immediately went to the dance floor. It brought him back to yesterday and the hot Jesse look-alike and he thought of what a sick guy he'd become.

He had never thought of Jesse like that…not that he could ever remember and anyway he had killed him. But boy did he like rubbing himself off on look-alike yesterday.

A guy came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Xander's chest, pulling him back against him. "You're a pretty little thing," was whispered in his ear and he started kissing a trail down Xander's neck.

Xander gave a relieved sigh and tilted his head to give the guy more access. A cool tongue came out, touching his skin softly, and he tried not to moan when the guy started nibbling the point where his neck met shoulder.

He had never been aware of his 'special' spots. There was never really a need to be. And all the girls he had ever been with didn't make any real attempts to find them.

But here he was aware of a few at least and the guy was working one now. The song changed pace and Xander felt weak in the knees. If this guy continued anymore of that he'd probably die right here. He pushed back against the guy, rubbing himself against the evident arousal. When the guy released his neck to give a moaned "yeah" he slipped out of his grasp and made his way through the crowd to the bar.

He tried to walk normally and not pant too loudly but that guy was close to devouring him whole and it had felt so very good. Dangerous thoughts because he had rules! And was getting very close to violating the first two of them.

He got himself a drink then found a dark half booth that no one else had taken for themselves yet and slid in. It was darker here then anywhere in the club and he couldn't really make anything out of the shadow forms but he was not going to break a rule just to see.

Spike was furious. Buffy had refused to give him anything, even told him to get out of her precious little house. Like he was a rotten pup or the like who belonged out back. He growled, throwing an empty bottle across the room to shatter against a wall. He took pleasure in the resounding crash and tried to calm himself down.

Wouldn't do to ruin his place because of the stupid bint. He threw himself into his chair and thought over the day before it had been totally ruined. He had enjoyed making a fool outta Xander and realized he had missed the battle of wits they usually got into.

Fact is, he realized he just missed making the boy squirm. Xander was never really afraid of him after he'd been implanted with the chip, but he was the easiest to rile up. And the fact that the boy was now residing in some pretty dangerous waters had Spike intrigued. Did the twirp have a death wish or was he just really that dumb?

Spike stood and threw his duster onto a coffin, thinking it a better idea to leave it here for this bit. He had a plan to lift his mood.

He headed out into the night in just his normal tight black cotton shirt, black denims and docs. He didn't want to send the kid's ringer off, he just wanted to have a bit of fun.

When he got to the club it took him a while to get the vamp bouncer off his back and let him inside. Like he'd go on slaughter in his place. Though it may have crossed his mind. Mostly vamps everywhere wouldn't be that hard. But there were quite a few humans in the lot as well.

The stupid ones who didn't know what kind of place this was and the ones who knew and came here willingly.

Spike asked around--okay, so asking wasn't quite the right word to use--about Xander. He didn't mention the boy by name because he hoped the kid was smart enough to not be giving that around, but there was a lot to be said about him.

Apparently he had his own group of watchers, a lot who weren't very happy with how flippant he was. Apparently he was a tease and everyone wanted a piece of him but no one ever really got any, blood or otherwise.

One guy claimed he had gotten the kid off and by the smell of him it was true. It was the one from last night, the one Spike had smelt on the boy this morning. But the vamps refused to believe the stupid human had succeeded where none of them were able.

The boy had apparently made his appearance known in the last few weeks. Spike had even heard that the kid was there today so he decided to do some watching of his own. He searched around for that smell that defined the boy and when he found him he couldn't believe his eyes.

That couldn't be the whelp he knew. That kid was much too different. He held himself like he knew he was wanted and tossed looks with those shaded eyes as if he had always been a proud member of the poofter foundation. The clothes he was wearing couldn't be owned by the boy he knew.

But there he was, Xander Harris, boy toy extraordinaire, and there was no sign anywhere of the clumsy Zeppo. He was working the floor like he owned it and a guy came up behind him. Xander started grinding with him as though they were in a hotel and something flared in Spike he didn't even want to touch upon.

It brought him back to a time when the whelp was offered to him by his Sire.

Lips went to neck and Spike wanted to hit Xander for his stupidity. That was a Vamp he had connected to his main blood line, brows ridged, eyes all aglow, and here the kid was offering his neck up like something lining a silver platter. Spike was surprised the kid hadn't been drained in an alley before tonight.

Xander brushed back against the vamp and then sauntered away, getting lost in the crowd. Spike smirked, maybe the kid wasn't as dumb as he thought.

He saw the vamp growl and walk back over to a group of his kind. They all laughed and took jibes at him. It looked like Xander had made himself an interesting game for this place. Spike went though the crowd looking for the kid and found him sitting in a dark booth. Spike grinned. Did he dare? Naturally he did.

He continued on his way, sliding into the dark area where the booth sat. "Mind if I sit?" he asked, dropping his mockney accent to try and throw the kid off guard. He couldn't possibly see anything out of those dark shades in this dark corner.

"What's the price?" Xander asked, voice deep and husky.

"None at all," Spike replied, slipping in and sitting a little way from the boy. This was gonna be more fun then he'd thought.

Xander couldn't make out the guy sitting with him. He knew he was thin and had short hair, but that's basically all he could make out. And the guy had managed to find an even more shaded area of the booth to sit than Xander had. And that English accent -- oh, it sent tingles right down his spine.

"You've made quite a name for yourself," the guy said, and Xander found himself wanting. More so than last night with the Jesse look-alike.

"Have I now." It was a question in Xander's head but it didn't seem to come out of his mouth that way.

"Yes, you have."

"Hope it's a good name." Xander smirked at the guy like he had seen Spike do so many times and only hoped it looked as good.

"Depends how you look at it," the guy replied, running a hand…through his hair? Over his head? Xander couldn't make it out.

"Really, so how should I look at it then?" He tried not to laugh. He had sworn he heard himself correctly and if he had he had sounded just like Spike did. That whole smirk-in-his-voice mocking thing the vampire did so well.

The guy moved towards him, dipping a finger in Xander's drink and then putting it in his mouth to suck off the liquid. "How do you want to look at it?"

Xander wished he could rid himself of his rules right now. He really wanted to see this guy and what he was doing but...Gah! Stupid rules and his dumb dedication to them.

Xander shrugged, feigning indifference. The guy's hand fell to his thigh, squeezing and running a course up his leg to cup his arousal through his jeans.

No accepting offers, No accepting offers, No accepting offers. Xander chanted the rule over and over in his head but he felt his resolve slipping. He'd had a really bad day and he hadn't had someone's fingers against his skin in a while. He figured he deserved it.

Spike was laughing inside. The whelp was stealing his big bad persona and not doin' such a bad job with it. He was getting the smirks right and the mocking tone. And for some reason Spike wanted to hear more of it.

He wasn't sure what came over him when his hand touched Xander's thigh but he never figured it would go very far. He had planned just to mess around a bit with the kid then leave. Or even better mess with the kid then make his presence known and mock the kid afterwards. But somewhere it had changed.

He squeezed the boy's arousal and heard a breathy hiss. Not even the music in the background sending vibrations through the place could prevent him from hearing Xander's heart beat pick up and all that blood rushing through his veins.

Spike licked his lips. He looked up at the boy's face to see if the kid had recognised him yet, but nothing. Xander's head was lolling back and the brunette's hand ran down to Spike's own, encouraging it. Spike knew it was wrong but just decided to hold it for later blackmail. He was sure none of the other scoobs knew what Xander was up to. And the kid was sure to want to keep it a secret.

He told himself that was the only reason he was doing it.

Xander's other hand ran down Spike's back, rubbing his warmth through the cotton shirt. The brunette's legs widened and he sunk further down into the booth. Spike took the opportunity to undo the boy's jeans and was surprised to see Xander had nothing on underneath.

He could feel himself swell in his own jeans but told himself it was only because of the sweet sound of the boy's blood.

Xander groaned as Spike wrapped a hand around his arousal and the vampire gave it a squeeze. The boy's back arched and his hips pressed forward. Spike smirked and he brought his hand to his mouth, adding some slick to it. When he brought it back down onto Xander the kid's hips bucked. Spike teased him, running fingers over the shaft, then the head, then down to squeeze the boy's balls. Never setting an actual rhythm and never giving the same pressure. He had the boy moaning and squirming and some part of his brain told him he never wanted to make the boy squirm again unless it was like this.

Xander was in ecstasy. No one. No one had ever touched him like this. The guys hands were thin, fingers slim, skin impossibly soft. Nothing like Xander's hand and nothing like any of the girls he had been with. And this guy knew what he was doing, constantly keeping Xander on the edge.

His closed eyes didn't help matters either. With nothing really to pay attention to but the amazing hand job he was receiving, everything the guy did seemed amplified.

With nothing to do with his hands, Xander allowed one to grip at the booth's seat edge and the other roamed around the guy's back. He had a firm ass and a great body from the feels Xander had gotten in.

Xander felt as if he was going to explode. Like, atomic bomb explode. His heart was racing, his blood burning, and he couldn't seem to get himself to breathe. What could only have been a tongue ran over the tip of his arousal and he was gone. He came with a loud groan, feeling the spray over his shirt. He was pulsing every where and he felt as though this guy was draining everything out of his body. He had no energy left in him to move.

The hand let go of him and he felt fingers on his shirt. Then felt lips at his throat and shuddered. A lick to his collarbone and the area beside him lifted. When he finally got the energy to open his eyes the guy was gone.

He wasn't sure if he should be disappointed or relieved. He stuck with the latter. At least he didn't have to pay back. He would have definitely been outed as a faker if he had to.

Spike needed to get out of there and fast. The boy had been driving him crazy. He smelled so sweet and his heart raced just so. His hands roaming over Spike's body were like fire and the sounds he made... Spike shuddered. And the way he looked when he came.

He walked past the group of vampires who were playing at snagging Xander and licked his lips. They gave him a murderous glare. Apparently he wasn't the only one aware of the boy's responses.

He left the club confused and furious with himself. This was the whelp he was messing around with. Not only that but the kid was human. Not that he had anything against the warm, willing bodies of humans. But they were too much trouble to mess with. Just look at where Buffy had left him. He was running out of food and money and nothing that had happened between them was important enough for her to give him some extra dosh. It wasn't like he could just go around and ask people for blood.

He made his way back to the crypt, in a right state over that bloody whelp. He could not actually want the kid. No, it was the power he now held over him, that was it. He liked the power.

But no matter what Spike told himself, he couldn't help but see Xander when the boy came, the image burned into his mind. The taste of him stuck in his mouth, the boy's flesh, his essence. Xander's smell was everywhere and, if it were not for the fact that Spike knew he had none, he would swear the track playing in his head was his heart, his blood.

Spike groaned when he looked down. His erection was straining against his jeans and he hated it. It just reminded him more of what the boy had made him feel. He snorted and stormed into his crypt. He'd ignore it. There was no way he was going to do anything while thinking of Alexander Bloody Harris.

The sun was rising so Spike escaped below the crypt and lay on his bed, hands beneath his head. He shifted and his jeans rubbed against him. He growled low. Doing nothing wasn't going to help. He'd just think about someone else.

He stripped and laid back on his bed. He ran a hand down his side and took hold of his arousal. Closing his eyes, he pictured Buffy on one of their vicious nights together. Sex with the Slayer was something brutal and animalistic. All instincts and force. He had thought killing Slayers got him off but sex with 'em was much better.

Spike pictured her atop him, all smooth curves and soft skin. She ran her hands over his chest and grasped onto his shoulders harshly. But the hold felt different. The sounds were different and his mind played back a face that didn't belong to her. He gave an enraged sigh and dropped his hands onto the bed. Would the brunette ever leave his mind?

It seemed like the answer was no. His mind replayed Xander's moans and the feel of him in his hand. It had been a while since Spike was with a bloke himself. But it was still better then anything, even sex with a slayer. Because a slayer was female, wasn't she.

She didn't know what parts to touch or how to touch 'em. Didn't know how long to stroke or how much to tease. She didn't know what it felt like so she couldn't make you feel it. But a guy, they knew, knew exactly what to hold and stroke.

And it was always harsh with a guy, rough edges rubbing against rough edges. There was no 'let's sit and talk about our feelings and tell each other what pleases' and the like. It was just a nice rough 'n' tumble.

Spike's hand had moved back to stroking himself and he pictured all the guys he had ever been with. Not many but enough to know it felt good. Then the track replayed and there was Xander and this time Spike didn't fight it. Just let the thoughts of the boy bring him to release.

Trouble was on the horizon and its name was Xander Harris.

Xander was feeling good in the morning when he awoke. Yeah, he had broken one of his rules but he felt a hell of a lot better than he had in a while. Walking into the living room that had changed quite a bit since Anya left, he wasn't at all depressed at waking up alone.

He fell onto it and grabbed the remote from the coffee table he had placed there. He turned on the large screen TV he had splurged on when he was still in depressed mode and started flipping through channels. God, did he love weekends.

Saturday morning cartoons and cereal sounded really good but cartoons no longer held his interest and there hadn't been cereal in the apartment in a long time. In fact there hadn't been much food at all. He had the money and the time but didn't really care to bother.

With Anya gone he had a lot more money to spend frivolously but no one to spend it on. Buffy didn't want his money, Willow didn't need it and Buffy wouldn't allow him to spend it on Dawn.

His mind went back to yesterday when Spike was begging for handouts and he wondered if Buffy had gone through with it. Okay, so maybe the vampire really didn't deserve charity but he was there to help after Buffy di--while Buffy was gone.

He thought it over and decided to buy the vamp some blood. Better he get it than give Spike the money to spend on anything else. Like one of those homeless guys who asked you for money but you can't be sure if he's gonna spend it on food, clothes or crack…or around here a spell to destroy the world. Which made him wonder why those guys were still alive. You would think with all the demons around they'd take the easy pickings.

Xander got dressed and shut off the television. He folded some money in his wallet and went out to buy the house some food and the vampire some blood. He shrugged. At least Spike did come in handy when he wanted to.

When Xander got to the supermarket he grabbed a cart and went down the first aisle. He always hated shopping. Any kind, but food shopping was the worst. He picked up some cereals and some milk. Eggs, cheese, marshmallows, bread, beer, chocolate-- you know the normal day to day stuff -- and wheeled it towards the checkout.

Picking the shortest line, he stood around waiting and when he was finished he was relieved to get out. He swung around to the butcher and bought some manly meat and a few pints of blood. And as a last minute thought he went to a place he'd heard of and got some lube.

When he reached Spike's crypt it was still pretty early. Not wanting to be bothered by the vampire, he went ahead in, dropped the blood and two beers in the fridge and left.

Spike was haunted by the boy all day long. When he had finally managed to get some sleep he could have sworn he heard the boy's footfalls upstairs but he wouldn't allow his mind the satisfaction of proving his delusions by checking to see if what he heard was real. So he turned over and ignored it.

When he woke again it was dark and he wondered if Xander had gone to the club again. He left his duster on the bed and went upstairs. The smell was fleeting but he still caught it: Xander had been there. He hadn't just been going crazy. He checked everywhere and then discovered the beer and blood in the fridge. Pity gift, friendship offer, or plea for silence? Spike couldn't be sure.

The whelp hadn't stayed behind so he figured either the former or the latter. Spike thought Xander hadn't figured it out…but maybe he had?

He left the crypt and headed to the club. This time he didn't even glance at the vamp bouncer as he pushed past the group of people going inside. He was determined to find the boy and what he would do then he wasn't quite sure, though he had some ideas in mind.

Spike was just about to force some information out of one of the vamps from the other day when he caught sight of him. The boy was wearing a tight black button down with a few of the bottom ones undone, showing off his tanned stomach. Spike wondered where the doughnut pudge Xander was usually known for was and walked towards him.

Xander wore tight black denim jeans this time instead of blue and Spike licked his lips as he approached. He tried to plan out a way to get to the boy without him seeing and decided to take a note from the many other guys after the boy and approach from behind.

Settling himself against the boy's back, he wrapped his hands around Xander's waist. "I was wondering if I'd get another chance at you," he said, mockney accent once again lost. The boy shivered and his heart began to beat double time. He ground himself against the cleft of the boy's ass, the denim keeping him away from what he really wanted--flesh on flesh contact.

Xander's heart jumped when arms pulled him against a slim body. It couldn't be, he thought, but there the proof was. That accent he had heard just the other night from a man he hadn't really seen.

"You were." Another question in his head escaped from his mouth sounding like a comment, as if he had known. But he hadn't, he had hoped but he hadn't known.

"Yeah." The voice from behind said in his ear. His head tilted automatically and lips were at his neck, sucking, licking and nipping in all the right places.

Just when he thought his knees would give out an arm tightened around his waist and the other reached under his shirt, sliding over his skin. He moaned at the feel of the man's cool skin, offhandedly wondering if the guy had been in an air-conditioned car. His touch felt as though it were burning Xander's over-heated skin. The hand traveled up to a nipple and fingers fastened on it, rubbing, pinching, twisting.

Xander leaned his head back against the guy's shoulder, eyes drifting shut. He had never really thought about his nipples as a pleasure source and now he knew it was a rather large misunderstanding. Those soft fingers ran over the hardened nubs and Xander tried to keep his voice down as he groaned his appreciation. The man's other hand moved up under Xander's shirt as well, stretching the material and popping a few more buttons.

Two hands on him and he pushed back against the guy's erection, rubbing himself against it. The guy hissed and stopped kissing him, leaning his head forward against Xander's shoulder. A part of Xander's brain reminded him this was usually his time to escape but the guy's arms were up his shirt and he was thrusting against him in such a satisfying way.

Another part of Xander's mind reminded him about the rules he was breaking but he couldn't care less. There was something about this mystery guy that stirred something inside him. He wanted this. So he ignored everything and thrust back into the guy with the same fervor the man was thrusting forward with.

The guy was making such wonderful sounds and he smelled familiar, like something Xander had experienced before. But no sooner did the thought arise it was dismissed to pay attention to more present on goings. A hand moved down his body, out of his shirt and made little work of the button and zipper of his pants before warm fingers were wrapping around his arousal.

The vibrations from the speakers rushed through both their bodies and Xander felt as though his heart were beating in unison with the playing song.

A hand on his erection and one up his shirt messing with his nipples and Xander was in paradise. The guy thrust against him and he thrust back one of his hands settling on the guy's hip and the other rose to lightly cover the hand up his shirt. He whimpered when the lips went back to work on his neck and he thought he just might die. Though he figured this was a much more enjoyable way to go then getting his head torn off or his innards spilled.

Then his world was spinning and he found his lips meeting another's. He gasped and a tongue slid inside his mouth. He oddly registered the fact that he tasted blood and wondered if he had cut his lip but was too distracted to care.

He couldn't stand it any longer. The boy was driving him wild and he didn't much care if Xander found out who he was. He had to kiss him. He would be lying horribly if he said he had never wanted the whelp. Sure, the kid was young and stupid. Human and frightened to put it simply. Not to mention easily broken. But he had wanted the boy from day one when Angel had offered Xander as a Sire's gift.

And he'd be damned if he wasn't going to take it now that he had the chance to. Hell, he was already damned so it couldn't get much worse, could it?

One of Xander's hands rested on Spikes shirt, hand grasping at the cotton; his other hand came up to Spike's neck, fingering the skin. Spike groaned into the kiss and Xander began to respond in kind. Their tongues dueled for dominance and when Xander pulled back for breath Spike begin to work at the boy's neck again so he wouldn't see his face.

Xander gasped as Spike's hand began working at his erection again and the boy's grasp became harsh as his hips pumped him forward into Spike's fist. Xander whined low in his throat and Spike's lips met the boy's again, wanting to get as much of him as he could. He could tell it would be over soon. Xander would figure it all out soon enough and be utterly disgusted.

Spike knew the turn of events. Xander would tell the witch or the slayer to kill him and Spike would be dust. Simple as that, because no one cared for him anyway.

He tried to catalog how the boy tasted to put it beside the sounds and smells of him. It was a musky sugary taste like dark chocolate, bitter and sweet. Xander was so much like a man and yet still so much like a boy.

He had grown but he hadn't really changed from what Spike knew of him younger.

Xander's hips began to buck and Spike could hear and feel his heart pumping faster and faster still. He knew the boy was almost through but he didn't want him going over alone. He rested his head against the boy's neck again, letting him breathe, and quickly unbuttoned and unzipped his own pants, bringing their hips flush together.

Xander's hands moved to his shoulders and the boy groaned loud. The feeling of the boy's hard flesh against his own, exactly what he needed.

Xander didn't know what was happening to him. One moment he'd been dancing in the club and the next he was floating in the air. He never knew what another guy's arousal would feel like against his own, never even imagined it. Though he figured if he did it wouldn't have been accurate at all. Nothing in life had prepared him for this moment and he dug fingers into his partner's strong shoulders.

He didn't move at first, afraid of losing control. He just rested his head on the man's shoulder, pesky sunglasses pushing into his nose painfully. He tried to concentrate on that instead of what was happening but the guy started moving. Hands slipped past denim to knead his ass. The slide of flesh added to the feeling of lips on his neck and there wasn't much else he could concentrate on.

The guy started a slow slide then the pace picked up and Xander found himself biting onto a clothed shoulder to keep from yelling out. It was all over far too soon and Xander practically collapsed on the dance floor when he reached his release. But strong arms supported him as he panted heavily for breath. The guy brought Xander off the dance floor and to a dark half booth much like the one from the other day and helped him into it.

Xander squinted through his shades in the double dark to catch what the guy looked like but he couldn't make him out. He went to violate another one of his rules and take off his shades but the guy's hand stopped him. He was gonna ask why but he blinked and the guy was gone.

He covered himself up, gently lifting the zipper of his jeans and buttoning his pants, and when he got his bearings he stood up and left.

He mentally scolded himself for not paying more attention to catching a glimpse of the guy on the dance floor and couldn't help but feel aggravated with himself for letting the man slip out of his fingers yet again.

He took his time getting home and when he made it to his bedroom all he had the energy to do was fall on it, bury his head in the pillow and wish he were someone else.

Spike left the first chance he got. Xander was out of it and he still didn't know who Spike was. He wanted to keep it that way. The boy would never agree to anything otherwise. He collapsed onto his bed and stared up at the dark ceiling. What had he gotten himself into?

He took off his shirt, bringing it to his nose to smell Xander. The boy's release had ruined the shirt for Spike forever. He couldn't wear it now that it smelled of the boy. He'd be hard everywhere he went. He gave an exasperated sigh.

He had dug his grave and now he had to lie in it. Looking at the whelp would never be the same. He fell asleep trying to get his mind off the kid and when he woke it was light out.

He went up to the main level of the crypt and took a beer out of the fridge. He made it all the way to the seat in front of the telly before it hit him. He threw the beer he had just opened at the wall, the liquid spilling out and flying everywhere, making the place reek of alcohol.

Xander still didn't know Spike was the guy at the club, which meant the blood and beer were a Pity gift. Fuckin' tosser! He didn't need pity from anyone.

He grabbed his blanket and threw it over his shoulder, heading into the sewers and out to go to Xander's. When he got to the boy's apartment he kicked at the door and waited for the boy to come open it.

Xander had not gotten any sleep at all last night. Despite whether he wanted to or not, he found tears forming in his eyes. His throat felt closed up, his lungs burned and his heart felt as though something were squeezing it.

He was disgusted with himself and what he had done with a guy he didn't even know. He felt worthless, trashy, hurt. That was the second time he'd had a great experience and the second time the guy had just left him after.

He had no name, no number, not even a face for the man. All he had was a voice and the feel of a body. He dry heaved in his pillow and his throat felt torn.

He hated not knowing, hated how he was acting over someone he didn't even care about. But no, that wasn't true, he did care about this mystery guy. He couldn't understand why but he could feel it deep inside him. Then he found himself hating that he cared.

There was a banging on his door and he couldn't be bothered to get up and answer it. Let them think he wasn't home. But the banging continued and he found a headache forming.

Dragging himself up and off the bed he slowly made his way across the now strangely large apartment and to the front door.

The banging continued, crashing in his head and making it hurt as though there was a knife stabbing through it.

When he opened the door he was surprised to see Spike standing outside it. The vampire looked enraged, blue eyes rimmed with gold. He started to yell but Xander just turned and walked away, leaving the door open in his wake.

"Come on in Spike," Xander said none too inviting and collapsed onto the couch. He was not in the mood for whatever it was Spike wanted, not really in the mood for anything at all, but he knew the blonde enough to know he wouldn't leave until this, whatever this was, was over.

An arm was thrown over his eyes and he laid out on the couch under the sun's rays.

When Xander had finally opened the door Spike was beyond furious. He wasn't even sure why he was so mad but he was ready to bombard the whelp.

All arguments died when he took a look at him though. The boy looked horrible. His eyes were bloodshot, his clothes beyond rumpled. And Spike noticed they were the same ones from the night before, dried white substance still staining them.

When the boy invited him in his voice was hoarse and strained. Xander looked broken and Spike stood at the threshold, unsure of what to do. Xander threw himself on the sunlit couch and that's when Spike noticed just how sun filled the bloody house was.

Large windows were along most of the walls and Spike searched the floor for a way to get around it. He found a shady patch and ran for it. "Bloody Hell, Harris."

The door slammed behind him and the boy didn't even look up. Spike briefly thought over whether his visit was such a good idea but, looking at the boy from across the room, he dismissed it.

He hated the fact that he couldn't get close to the boy but he was in the nice sunshine and Spike didn't feel like becoming a pile of ash.

Dropping his blanket to the floor he stood and stared at the kid on the couch who looked so much more like the Xander Harris he knew. This was the doughnut fetching clumsy Zeppo and he found himself hating to look.

"Quaint li'l shack you got here, whelp," he said, looking around. Xander didn't stir and Spike concentrated on the boy's breath and heartbeat to make sure he was still with him. "Perfect place for keeping vampires out of."

Xander groaned and the arm over his eyes moved to a hand rubbing his temple. "I'm not in the mood, Spike, so just state your reason for being here and get out."

"What happened to you? Still wallowing over the loss of your demon-bint?" Spike watched, trying to get a rise. Nothing from the kid so he began to pace, feeling out of sorts. The kid wasn't speaking to him, he was stuck in a corner like an animal and all he wanted to do was rush up and shake the light back into that inert body. He decided just to bring up why he came.

"Listen here, Harris. I don't need any of your bloody charity so you can stop with the pity and fuckin' leave my fridge alone."

This time Xander did look up. His bloodshot brown eyes bore into Spike even from across the room. He snorted then laughed, but it was a humorless laugh laced with a wet sort of sob. The boy shook his head and once again Spike wondered if maybe his visit here wasn't such a good idea.

Xander couldn't help it, he had to laugh. Here he was, feeling like shit, heart thrumming loudly in his ears only adding to his now mind splitting headache after not sleeping at all and having not only the best night but also the worst night of his life, and Spike was telling him he didn't want any charity.

He sat up, leaning his arms on his knees. "Really?" he asked with a sadistic smirk. "Because you seemed to be begging for it."

"You're a right one to talk," Spike replied angrily, looking the boy over. "Why would I want anything from a weakling like you?"

Xander laughed again. "I'm a weakling? Who's cowering in the shadows, Fangless?" Xander bit harshly. He was pissed off with himself enough as it was, he didn't need someone like Spike to come in here and make it worse.

"Least I'm not bloody worthless." And that stung because it was true, wasn't it. He was worthless. He couldn't fight, couldn't do spells, couldn't even keep a girl…or a guy for that matter.

"Get out!" he yelled venomously. Spike grabbed his blanket, covering himself, and with a flare of his duster from beneath the cover he stormed out, almost yanking the door off its hinges.

Xander winced when the door slammed behind the vampire and his knees gave out, leaving him on the floor. He wound his arms around his chest and held himself tightly, pretending that the arms belonged to someone else.

Spike stormed out and into the sewers. It wasn't until he stopped that he noticed the tears streaming down his face. He wiped at them with annoyed swipes. When had this happened? When had he fallen so badly for this bloody human boy?

He always knew he was a bitch to love but did it always have to lead him to the ones that hated him so much? He needed violence and alcohol. He took a turn away from the road leading back to the crypt and headed to Willy's.

Spike vamped out mid way to the bar and when he arrived Willy asked him what he could get him, cowering just slightly. He asked for a JD and received a whole bottle and a sniveling request for no bar fights. Too annoyed to keep that promise, he took his bottle and left, ramming into a demon's shoulder on the way out.

The red demon reacted just how Spike wanted, getting angry and following him out. He placed his JD on the ground and took the first swing.

When the demon was bleeding and broken Spike felt much better and picked up his bottle and walked off.

When he reached his crypt it was already starting to get dark and he wondered if the kid went to that club every night. Changing into an un-ripped shirt he tossed his duster to the side and went to find out.

Xander couldn't believe himself. He figured he must be masochistic or something 'cause here he was again, in the middle of the Copper Club's dance floor.

No one approached him and he wondered if maybe he was still looking pissed. He knew he always stayed away from his friends when they looked like he felt. It was just safer that way. You don't go petting a snarling dog, do you? No, it just wasn't smart to.

Tired, he grabbed a drink and sat at the half-booth where it had all began. Where his life had started going both uphill and down.

Shades in place as per usual and mind-set firmly back on hold, he tried to relax and let everything drain away. He closed his eyes to avoid looking for the guy from last night.

"I couldn't get you off my mind all day," that rich English accent said in his ear and he went to turn around but his head was held in place. He felt cloth slide over his forehead. "Close your eyes," was whispered in his ear and he found them drifting shut.

The cloth was brought over his eyes behind his shades and tied in the back. He couldn't see a thing now; everything had gone black. He felt his sunglasses slipping off his nose and he thought he heard them connect with the table but the music was too loud to be sure.

Spike hadn't planned this out. He just knew he wanted the boy. And after their rather large spat this afternoon he really needed to feel him. He had gotten the blindfold from some bloke by the bar but it seemed the perfect way to get the boy without him finding out who he was.

Spike urged Xander to tilt his body to the side and placed his lips against the boy's own. He tried to ignore the voice inside him that kept telling him that this was a bad idea. He had only been away from the boy for a day but he already needed to taste, to feel him again.

Sliding down the boy's body he undid the button of the blue jeans and slid the dark blue shirt the boy was wearing up. He allowed himself to explore Xander's tight stomach with his tongue, flicking it into the boy's navel.

Xander moaned and Spike ignored his own discomfort as he slid further down, kneeling under the table to unzip the boy's jeans with his teeth.

Xander had never felt anything like this before. The blindfold cut off all of his vision, he couldn't hear anything but the music and his heart beat, there was nothing for his mouth to do and he had no clue what to do with his hands.

All his other senses switched off, all he could do was feel. The zipper of his jeans slipped down and he could feel something brushing against the skin being revealed. He gasped. Oh god, the guy was unzipping him with his teeth.

He concentrated on what the man was doing and tried to come up with the image in his head. He felt a tongue run up the underside of his erection and he moaned, a hand moving to the guy's hair. It felt as though it were gelled in curls and he ran his fingers over the guy's scalp.

He placed his other hand on the guy's head as well, allowing one to run down his neck. It was odd; again he was struck with the thought of the guy being in an air-conditioned car. And his skin was impossibly smooth.

All thought was cut off when his arousal was enveloped in a cool cavern. He felt a groan low in his throat and his body slid down the seat some more.

Vibrations ran through him and he wondered if the guy was moaning or humming but didn't really care as long as the feeling didn't stop.

He ran fingers over the guy's brows and forehead, trying to figure out what he looked like. To have someone to watch in his mind.

Spike growled onto Xander's flesh. It was just as he had imagined it. Warm and firm under that soft skin. He licked the head then brought it all back into his mouth. He loved Xander's taste and the sounds the boy was making.

He groaned, a hand running down his body to cup his own erection through the fabric. So entranced by the boy was he that he didn't do anything about Xander's little exploration of his head and face. Those fingers on his neck blazing his insides. The fingers tracing his brows only arousing him more.

Xander mapped out the guy's face in his head. Gelled curly hair, a scar on his right--no that was his right, the guy's left--brow, sharp cheekbones.

Stars danced behind Xander's eyes as the guy swallowed around his erection. It was as though he had no gag reflex and Xander delighted in the sensations running through his body.

He tried yet again to picture the guy and saw him as a platinum blonde but he wasn't sure why. Strong but thin with blue eyes. Xander gasped. Spike taking the guy's place in his mind.

He tried to erase the image and recreate it but every time he could only picture Spike. He thought back on their fight earlier today while running hands over the guy's scalp. The vampire had made him so mad but maybe he had reacted a bit cruelly.

But Spike had asked for it, he had said he wasn't in the mood. He felt the guy moan against his flesh and he was once again distracted from all thoughts.

Spike could feel Xander leaving; the boy was thinking about something or someone and Spike wondered who. He teased the boy, deep throating him again to bring him back to the present.

Spike wanted the boy to think about him even if he didn't know who he was or what he looked like. But it was better that way, wasn't it? Then Xander wouldn't try to get his groupies to turn him into a pile of ash.

The hands began to grasp his hair and push his head down on the incredible length so he began to speed up his thrusts. The boy's hips began bucking wildly and he didn't even stop him when he was about to come.

Xander hissed loudly and exploded in Spike's mouth. The vampire slowed his movements, swallowing all of it and milking the boy dry.

The flavor burned its way down Spike's throat and he knew there would be no getting over the boy now.

Xander didn't even think before pulling the guy up to him and bringing their lips together. It was weird, his flavor in the guy's mouth. The guy tongued his lip and it was only then he realized he had bitten it when he was trying to keep quiet.

The guy gently placed Xander's spent member in his pants and carefully zipped them back up and buttoned the top.

Xander was going to take off the blindfold when he felt hands on his arms. "Don't."

"I want to see you," he replied, not commenting on his inability to do so beforehand.

"It's better this way." He could feel the guy leaving and reached out blindly, grabbing the first thing he touched. It felt like the guy's shirt so he held on tighter.

"Wait." He waited till he felt the guy sit and blindly searched for his pants. Just as he thought. The guy was still hard beneath the denim and Xander wanted to give him a reason to stay.

Granted, he had never done anything to a male besides himself but he figured they had the same pieces. It couldn't be that hard.

His hands worked their way up the guy's zipper, searching for the button, and when he got it open he slid the zipper down.

The man's arousal was just as cool as the rest of his skin and Xander wrapped a hand around the firm column. It was weird feeling another guy's erection after only ever feeling his own. He blindly explored, comparing it to that of his own. It wasn't as long as his but it was thicker and he squeezed his fist around it experimentally.

Xander wasn't sure what the guy liked but he knew what he liked so he decided to just go with that. And he only hoped it would work on the guy as well as it worked on him.

The angle was different and he couldn't tell whether or not the guy liked it, not being able to feel it himself. Giving yourself a hand job was something totally different to giving someone else one, Xander registered. It was harder to do when you were on the outside.

Spike had never felt like this before. He was torn up inside, one part raging, another rejoicing. The boy's warm hand on him like fire. He had planned to leave, he was going to leave. But when the boy reached out and when he turned to hear the murmured 'wait', see that bottom lip protrude...

The boy was a right sight, eyes covered, unable to see a thing. And his fumbling turned exploratory hands were like a god send. He couldn't have said no to this.

He could tell the boy had never done this before and it made him pleased to know it was another first he was granted. Because he could tell the boy had never done any of the other stuff either. Silly little virgin playing this club like a pro.

He panted and then sneered at himself for it, because what need did he have to breathe? But he just couldn't help it. The things Xander was unintentionally doing trying to explore him were so exciting.

And then the boy was working him with more skill, most likely using the same movements he used on himself. "Harder," Spike hissed, arching his back to the boy's movements, bringing his hips up for extra contact with that warm fist.

Xander moaned and then lips were at Spike's neck and he was panting harder, gasping for breaths he hadn't needed in years. "Fuck yeah, X-" He stopped himself before finishing the boy's name, hoping Xander hadn't noticed.

Xander couldn't help but think that giving a hand job was a hell of lot more gratifying than getting one. He also couldn't help but think that the guy's expletives sounded like Spike.

He found himself picturing the vampire in his mind again and mentally cursed. He was crazy. This guy must have sucked his brain out of his dick because he couldn't be picturing Spike. Not while he was doing these things.

He was sick. It was official. He had to be, but he did have to admit that Spike was sort of attractive. His hand began to speed up. And he had that beautifully lithe body, and those deep blue eyes.

His tongue played along the man's neck.

He admitted to himself that had Spike been a woman he would have been attracted to her. Wit, humor, sarcastic remarks, strength, beauty. He realized that he had in the past, subconsciously, admitted that to himself already.

But Spike was a guy and, to make it worse, a soulless dead vampire guy. It wasn't like Deadboy; he at least had a soul. But all Spike had was a chip. It was more like a cage than a conscience.

He sucked the guy's skin, skipping over the fact that he didn't taste of sweat in favor of going over the reasons he shouldn't be picturing Spike in his head.

The guy's hands were tangled in Xander's short hair and in his shirt, constantly moving. And then Xander gave up. Because picturing Spike in his head didn't seem too bad. It wasn't as though anyone else would find out.

Spike bit at his own lip, savoring the left-over tastes of the boy's blood and sperm in his mouth while the boy worked at him. He tried to refrain from speaking because he couldn't drop his mockney accent or stop himself from saying the boy's name when he was working him so expertly.

Xander nibbled at the area where a Vampire would normally bite its prey and Spike lost it. His release sprayed out over his shirt and the boy's hand and he gasped harshly.

The boy brought his wet fingers to his lips, tasting Spike, and the vampire attacked the boy's mouth, unable to look at him any longer. All sweet innocence and experimentation.

One last fleeting kiss and Spike quickly zipped himself and left. He couldn't take it anymore, he was too close to revealing himself to the boy. It was all getting too dangerous. But then he had always enjoyed a spot of danger.

Xander was once again left feeling somehow empty. Except he didn't hate himself this time. Not really, he had given as well as he got. Or so he hoped.

But his thoughts about the vampire confused him. He was glad Willow was not quite on the Magicks at the moment and doing that mind voice projecty-read-y thing. He would hate having to explain any of this when he didn't even know what it meant himself.

He headed home, mind jumping from one topic to the next but always somehow concerning the blonde. That night before bed he decided that he'd go visit the vampire to make up for being an ass. He wouldn't apologize, 'cause he had warned him, but he'd bring a beer or two and maybe hang.

He wanted to think a few things over as well and figured it would be easier to do with Spike around.

The next evening after work Xander grabbed a six pack and his jacket and headed to the Vampire’s crypt, hoping he was there. The dreams he'd had during the little sleep he had managed last night were plagued with thoughts of the blonde. And when he had woken the drying come on his sheets proved how much he had enjoyed them.

He knocked on the crypt door before opening it and letting himself in. He took a good look around, seeing things he hadn’t noticed in the other few visits he had paid the Vampire.

Spike had really made a home out of the not so appealing dreariness of the crypt he had claimed for himself. A working fridge and mid screen television, two chairs, candles. And he had been down on the lower level before and recalled a bed and some other homely stuff.

Heck, if Spike had the ability to add some plumbing Xander was sure he’d have a shower. He shivered as 'shower' brought to mind a naked Spike and his body began to reply to the appeal of the mental image.

“Having a nice poke around, Harris?” Spike asked, coming up from the Crypt’s lower level. When he had first heard the door and footfalls he hadn’t believed it could be true, but there was the proof. The kid was snooping around his crypt. Without even an invite in.

Spike tried to refrain from growling at that small bit of information. He hated how the Scoobies just went around his stuff but he had to get an invite past their doors just to take a peek. They didn’t respect him enough to even wait outside his for an invite. Oh no, why bother with that?

“Just admiring what you’ve done with the place.”

“Ah, my daily dose of bloody sarcasm. Ta, Mate. Now that your work's through you can get the hell out.” He directed the boy to the door with a hand.

The kid sighed. “I wasn’t being sarcastic, Spike.”

“Heh, right.”

“No I, uh, brought something.” He pulled the beer up in front of him. “Thought we could use a drink.”

“What? Sick of hangin’ with the girls? Thought you needed a bit of testosterone?” Spike asked, trying to avoid staring at the boy for too long. But his eyes wanted to wander all over that body, as did his hands.

“No, just thought-- look, okay, maybe I am a little. But I figured we could just spend some manly one-on-one time with a few drinks. Sorry if I bothered you.” The kid sneered and turned to go.

Spike shrugged, keeping himself from running after the boy to drag him back. “Eh, might as well, since you paid for the drinks an’ all.”

The moment Spike came up Xander knew it had been a bad idea to come. The Vampire had an open button down shirt on, displaying a lot of smooth pale flesh. Xander tried to act normal and not flounder.

A part of him screamed he needed to get out, this was wrong and disgusting and totally of the bad. But another part of him whispered thoughts of running his hands down that expanse of skin and hearing the thick bad accent lost in moans and pleas. It whispered a bunch of naughty, better hope no one finds out thoughts and that part seemed to be winning out in this battle for the control of his body.

'Cause there he was, wandering after Spike like a lost pup when the Vampire offered him a seat with the wave of a slender hand.

He sat on the chair beside Spikes and released a beer can from the six pack plastic hold. It was cool and reminded him of that mystery guy's skin, which made him wonder what Spike’s skin would feel like. He swallowed as his fingers brushed the blondes' while handing over the drink.

Spike sat down, trying to get comfortable in the boy’s presence. To act normally and treat the boy like he usually did. They sat in silence, the TV the only thing making any real noise. But Spike couldn’t help but hear the boy’s heart beat faster and smell…was that actually arousal?

He shook his head with a snort and took a swig of his drink. It had to be another trick of his mind. The boy didn’t want him, he wanted that English ‘mystery’ guy at the club.

“So…” the boy said, running fingers over the small drops of condensation on the can’s surface. Spike tried to keep his eyes focused ahead even though he was not really focusing on anything.

Xander couldn’t help but keep casting glances Spike’s way. He could feel something go on inside when he stared at the blonde and not only what was adding to the rapidly growing tent of his pants. He shifted his leg in the seat to hide it.

He had no clue what to say, he hadn’t planned that far. And the silence was killing him but he couldn’t seem to get anything to come to mind but what Spike might look like without his pants. He mentally cursed at himself.

But when he continued to look at the blonde and think back he remembered that last night wasn’t the only time he had dreamed of the vampire, or in that way. Before he had just ignored it or presumed it was because he envied the blonde's persona. But now that he thought about it…it could have always just been him wanting the blonde…

The constant fights he would get into with Spike, the arguments he would most times start, the way he felt when he had actually gotten a hit or two on the vampire. But denial was always easier to handle, wasn’t it.

Maybe it was all him actually-- “What?!” Spike asked, blue eyes staring at him angrily.

He shook his head. “Ah, what?”

“That’s what I just asked, you bloody twit. Why do you keep starin’ at me?”

Spike couldn’t stand it. He had tried ignoring it but he just couldn’t shake the feeling of Xander’s eyes on him, or the chain reaction it caused.

The boy seemed in a daze but he just kept staring when Spike looked at him. The question seemed to shake him out of it though, and Spike couldn’t help but react angrily. Here he was pining after the boy and the kid was eyeballing him like he was a bloody chocolate bar.

It made Spike feel a ton of stuff he’d just rather not.

“Oh sorry. I was-uh I was just thinking.” The boy looked away, licking full lips.

“Ta mate, didn’t know you had it in ya.” Spike turned back to the television, taking another swig of the drink. He finished it and held his hand out for another, tossing his empty to the floor.

Xander’s nose crinkled in such a way that it made Spike think of puppies and that thought made him want to hurl.

“Keep doing that and it’s no wonder this place reeks like a bar.”

Spike just snorted and kept his hand out for that next beer. Thinking the kid would just hand him the pack, he wasn’t prepared for the boy’s hand to brush against his again. It sent a jolt through his body and he quickly snatched it back with the beer.

He jerked the tab off the can and took another deep swig. The silence was killing him and the harsh beating of the heart beside him wasn’t helping any.

Xander stared forward, trying to figure out his thoughts and wondering whether Spike had ever been with a guy. He didn’t look like the type but maybe vampires didn’t care about that sort of thing.

“Um, Spike?” He messed with the tab of the beer can, moving it back and forth to hear the click-clicking sound. “Did you ever…ah...”

“What is it?” Spike asked, not turning to look at him.

“I was just thinking…er, a….”

“Out with it, Harris.” The blonde turned to him and Xander looked over his form nervously.

The tab of the can broke off, falling into the leftover contents of beer. “Never-never mind.”

Spike raised his brow in that way Xander realized meant he had now caught the vampire’s attention. He swallowed, staring ahead at the television, not even sure what they had been watching. “So, uh, ever watch this before?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

Spike was caught and he wasn’t going to let Xander get away that easily. “Something’s goin’ on in that head, Harris-- I can hear the cogs turning --and it ain’t about what’s on the telly.”

Xander looked him over, tongue once again running over full lips that Spike knew felt as soft as they looked. “Never mind, it’s nothing really.”

Spike leered at him. The boy was fidgety and his fingers ran over the top of the can again.

“I was, um, well I was just wondering if--Ow!” Spike looked down and saw that in the boy's detachment he had run his fingers around the can’s opening rim, slicing a finger. He licked his lips as the scent of the boy’s blood hit him like a bolt of lightning.

He had tasted it before and his body remembered, and yearned. The boy just stared at it with dazed eyes. Spike licked his lips. “Gonna waste it holdin’ it out like that.”

Xander stared at the cut. That wasn’t anywhere near anything he had meant to do. In fact he hadn’t planned on any injuries occurring…well, except maybe to his pride.

The cut wasn’t nearly as deep as it could have been and he was about to shove it in his mouth when a thought occurred. He held it out to the vampire and saw the apprehension in those blue eyes.

He put his hand closer to the vampire’s face, the injured finger inches away from that pale mouth. Spike licked his lips again and stared at Xander. Blues eyes locked with brown. Pale lips parted and a questioning tongue came out to taste.

Spike oddly reminded Xander of small puppy when you offered it part of your burger. That look they got when they thought it couldn’t be true. The slight lick to test if you had poisoned it.

Then his finger was encased in a cool mouth and the suction on the cut was bliss. Hands came up and cool slim fingers clasped his wrist. The experience reminded him of a certain club stranger…

Spike couldn’t believe the boy’s reaction. Couldn’t believe that he had offered. He had wanted to just take the boy’s finger in his mouth the moment he had smelt the blood.

But the boy offering…it was all so much more…intimate that way. He pulled the blood from the wound, tonguing the slash in the skin to keep the sweet blood flowing. His eyes closed and he couldn‘t stop the moan from escaping his throat.

His fingers stroked the warm rough skin in their hold and he took pleasure in the thrumming of one of the boy’s pulse points.

Xander couldn’t help but stare at the picture Spike painted. With his eyes closed, fingers caressing Xander’s skin, gelled curls hanging over his forehead, he looked so exposed. Almost vulnerable, and young.

Spike moaned again and Xander’s free hand went to his arousal, stroking himself through the thick material. Spike’s eyes shot open and blue eyes gazed at him through long lashes. Xander couldn’t help himself. He pulled Spike off his finger and before the vampire could protest he kissed him.

Spike was too shocked to move. For a moment he wondered if he was in fact awake at all. Because this couldn’t be happening, right? Xander couldn’t be here, be offering him blood, be touching himself, be kissing him.

The lips moved away and Xander’s eyes were wide and frightened. He stood, looking down at Spike, fingers unconsciously touching his lips, and he turned and ran from the crypt.

Spike wanted to go after him, knew he could catch up to the boy in no time but he was stuck. He sat staring at the spot Xander had just vacated, fingers unconsciously touching his own lips. Had that all actually happened?

When he finally regained his bearings it was too late to do anything and the sun was beginning its steady rise. He paced in the lower level of his crypt, trying to figure the boy out. What exactly had happened there?

The boy didn’t seem to know that Spike was the guy at the club so it couldn’t have been that. And the kid hadn’t really ever shown any inclinations towards him before.

He growled his frustration, pacing turning into storming. He just didn’t get the boy.

Xander couldn’t get his heart to stop pounding. He was frightened, he was exhilarated. He couldn’t believe what he had done. He couldn’t believe he was still alive. True, the chip would go off if Spike tried anything, but Xander figured if he were pissed enough the vampire wouldn’t care about the searing headache as he pummeled Xander to death.

He was twitchy, he was hyper. He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t sit still. He couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t stop thinking. His world had been turned upside down and he could finally admit. Hell, he liked it.

Work the next day was impossible. He was distracted, he was jumpy. He ended up screwing things up so much his boss brought him into the office for a talk. He thought that Xander’s recent work had been deficient and that maybe Xander was working himself too hard after everything that had been going on in the boy’s life.

He told him to take some time off. Told him not to rush into life because Xander had a hell of a lot more years to go and sent him home.

Xander didn’t know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult but he got his stuff and left the site nevertheless.

Aroused, frustrated and confused, he grabbed his club clothes and took some alleyways all the way to the club. He brushed past the bodyguard with a grin and a shaded look over and walked into the increasingly familiar scene.

Spike had given up pacing for traveling in the midday light to the boy’s place to have a chat. Or perhaps to beat the boy senseless. Chip or none, he wasn’t planning to leave until something was settled. Preferably by lips and harsh moans.

He smirked, heading up to the boy’s apartment only to catch the boy heading out. He was wearing his Club garb and Spike ducked back into the sewers to travel to the club.

When he got there he looked around for the boy, but to no avail. He ordered a drink and leaned against the bar, searching the crowd for Xander. And that’s when he spotted him. Out on the dance floor with some trashy looking vamp.

His glass shattered when he slammed it down on the bar and he took off towards the boy. The vampire was moving in to cup Xander when Spike came forward, eyes glaring. One look and the guy was retreating in the other direction.

Xander was his and he wasn’t going to let some tosser feel the boy up. That was his job. Before Xander had the chance to react to the vamp’s disappearance, Spike settled against his back. “May I have this dance?”

Before Xander got a chance to answer his lips were on the boy’s neck and one of Xander’s hands tangled in his hair. He wrapped an arm around the boy’s waist and slid his erection against the boy’s denim clad ass.

“I love the way you taste.”

Xander moaned. He hadn’t even expected guy English to show up. He had just been trying to get Spike off his mind, well, Spike and the day from hell.

He knew he was dancing with another guy just moments ago but when lips were kissing down his neck he really didn’t care. He tilted his head and tried to ignore all thoughts of the blonde vampire he had kissed just last night.

The arm around his waist became a hand cupping his erection. “Kiss for your thoughts” was whispered in his ear, the English accent stirring his arousal but not as much as the image of Spike in his head.

“It’s nothing,” he said, placing his hand on the guy's hand, urging him to squeeze. The guy rubbed his palm against his arousal and Xander hissed.

“What are you trying to escape, Xan?” the voice asked, tongue running under his jaw line. Xander almost freaked. But the guy couldn’t have said ‘Xan’. He had probably misheard him over the music, he obviously said ‘Man’.

“Nothing at all,” he lied with a moan.

The hand squeezed him again. “Are you trying to make me jealous? Dancing with all these other guys?”

Xander laughed. “Think I’m dancing with you now,” he hissed as those chilled fingers stroked above the waistband of his jeans.

“Want to be dancing with me later too?” The slim fingers pressed just inside his jeans, brushing against his erection as the guy rubbed himself against Xander’s ass. He shivered. Right when he was going to open his mouth to refuse, lips were at his ears and he heard a different accent whisper, “I want you, Harris.”

The boy stilled in his arms and Spike felt Xander’s entire body tense. “Look at me, Xan,” he whispered against the boy’s warm ear, normal mockney accent in place. “Turn around and look at your mystery man.”

He could feel Xander’s heart pounding right through the boy’s back and he removed his hand from the boy’s jeans, pulled the sunglasses from his face, and took a step back. He waited for the boy to turn around.

He wasn’t sure what to expect so he tried to expect everything. Tears, anger, hate, violence, sorrow, joy. Anything he could think of he tried to imagine as the boy began to slowly turn. It was agony waiting and Spike just wanted to spin the boy around himself but he wanted to see if Xander did it of his own accord. Wanted to see if the boy wanted to know.


Xander couldn’t believe it. He just couldn’t. What was that sound in his ears? Was it the pulsing of the music? No, it was his heart. He could feel it in his head, in his chest, in his arms and legs.

He didn’t want to turn around but he did, didn’t want to see if it was true but he couldn’t stop himself from moving. He did a full circle and he was sure he was gaping. He had to resemble a goldfish right about now because this couldn’t be true, could it?

He shook his head to clear it but the image of Spike before him remained. He wondered if he was dreaming but, no, he couldn’t be. The vampire stood there, hands at his sides, fingers slightly reaching towards Xander as though ready to... What? Catch him if he fainted? Stop him if he ran?

So many things passed through him. Feelings, thoughts, pangs. Because if it was Spike then it couldn’t be real. This was all a big game, right? Haha, we made Xander fall for someone he didn’t even know, experience the most wonderful things in his life, fuck with a stranger --strange man no less-- and it’s Spike.

Isn’t it a funny joke for the Zeppo? Didn’t he have a good time being the butt monkey again? Go fetch more doughnuts, doughnut fetching boy! Did you actually think something good could happen to you?

Xander’s brown eyes bore into Spike's. Lifeless, lightless. The kid just stood there utterly silent with the loud club playing out around them. Spike had not expected that. He wished Xander would say something, anything. He wished the kid would get mad and punch him. Or cry and storm out. Or jump up and down like a bloody rabbit. Anything as long as he wasn’t standing there like a fuckin’ statue. The shades cracked in his grasp.

He was just about to tell the boy that when Xander turned slowly on his heel and walked out. No words, no apparent emotions, just walked right out. Spike stood there for a moment, unsure of whether or not to follow him but ended up doing so anyhow.

Xander made his way out the club and into the shaded alley. He walked past the eyes and the looks, the whistles and the offers. He was deaf. He was blind. Utterly silent except for his feet on the ground and his heartbeat in his ears. He walked. Out of the alleys and onto the still semi-lit streets.

A part of him registered that it must be early evening because the sun was falling behind the clouds and buildings. He ignored everything, everyone, just walking. He knew where he should go--Buffy’s. Willow was there, Dawn was there, but mostly Buffy was there. He could just tell them to keep Spike away. But he didn’t want to go to Buffy’s. Didn’t want to explain.

He took the turn that decided whether or not he would head to Buffy’s and turned away. He was going home. He wanted home. Needed home.

He looked up a the sky, pretty with its pink and orange hues. Looked down at the ground with it’s loose pebbles and dirt. He went to cross the street but started walking it instead. A car honked. He ignored it.

His mind ran over all the possible reasons for Spike playing such a mean trick but he really couldn’t come up with one. That made it more difficult to deal with. He reached his house, his apartment, his door.

His downcast eyes met a pair of Doc’s. He raised his head. Black jeans, black shirt, pale neck, soft lips, blue eyes, blond hair. He continued up; door frame, spider web, ceiling.

Spike had followed the boy out of the club and into the alleys. He had followed him through the streets and cursed him when he began to walk in them. He had to try and avoid the large patches of sun, avoid the annoyed humans who he was helpless against. He ended up slipping down into the sewers to beat the boy back to his apartment, where he could only hope he was headed.

“Look at me, Xan.” The boy looked up, staring blankly at the ceiling, and Spike hurt. He hadn’t meant to do this to the boy, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Xander didn’t look at him. He just continued to stare up. Spike moved away from the door and the boy’s gaze fell back down again. He unlocked the door with shaky hands, which Spike took as a good sign, and walked inside the apartment, leaving the door open behind him. Dropping the keys on the threshold.

Spike stepped in after the boy, picked up the keys and closed the door. He placed the keys on the counter and walked up to Xander, who was standing in the middle of the room, head down, shoulders slumped.

Spike thanked whatever forces looking out for him that the apartment was placed away from the setting sun and looked at Xander. “Xander, look at me will ya?”

No response.

“Xander!” He was hesitant to shake the boy, afraid of what that might cause. “At least bloody say something!”

No response.

“Lift an arm, yeah?”

No response.

He grasped the boy’s chin and pulled it up to him. The brown eyes met his but somehow still bore through him. “Fuck, pet, say something would you!”

Xander’s eyes shone with tears and he started to laugh. Laughing turned to crying, crying to a fit of gasping hysteria. The boy fell to his knees and Spike followed his descent.

“I’m sorry,” Spike said, unsure of what else to do. “It wasn’t supposed to go like this.”

Xander’s brown eyes met his again and they were mad, hurt. “Oh really?” he choked out. “How was it supposed to go then, Spike?” He sobbed. “Did I ruin the laugh for you?”

Brown eyes darkened. “Are you not having fun at my expense?”

“What are you talking about?” Spike had no clue what was going on. He couldn’t tell what was going on in the boy's head. Couldn’t answer questions he didn’t know.

Xander wasn’t sure if he was mad or if he was sad. He didn’t know if he should be hating Spike or hating himself. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he was sure it was another kick the ‘whelp’ while he was down game of Spike’s.

“I know, Spike.” He gasped for breath, lungs filled with tears, heart aching. “I know I was just some fuckin' game for you. Had a laugh? A great big laugh at the stupid worthless boy?”

“You’re not--”

“Don‘t, Spike. I get it. Just get out, okay? You had your fun!”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Yes, you are. Fuckin' go, Spike. I don’t want you.” He threw a punch at Spike and it felt good. He did it again and again and again, holding the vampire down with his weight.

Spike grasped the boy’s arms, rolling them over and locking Xander's arms above his head.

He winced as his chip fired but he ignored it. His lips were so close to Xander’s and the boy was panting, his chest heaving up and down. Spike couldn’t stop himself. Before he knew it his lips were on the boy's.

Xander felt battered, broken, used. But when those lips touched his, his eyes drifted shut and his body was moving of its own accord.

His back arched and his lips moved against Spike’s. His tongue left his mouth to duel with the vampire’s and he squeezed back tears.

Spike cut off the kiss, head resting on Xander’s own. “Bloody git, said I wanted you before didn‘t I?”

Xander looked up at the thin body above him. Spike was panting just about as much as he was and that look in those blue eyes…he’d seen that look before…on himself, he realized. When he’d looked in the mirror after being with guy English --which he now knew to be Spike-- and just yesterday when he had drifted home after kissing the vampire.

He looked into those eyes and just somehow knew: “It wasn’t a joke.”

“Course not, you fool.” And Xander noticed Spike’s eyes were looking a bit tear-filled themselves. “Just wanted you to know. After last night --Just wanted to know if you were off your rocker.”

“Or if I really--” Spike cut him off with another kiss, letting Xander’s hands go when he was sure the boy wasn’t gonna hit at him again. What was up with people and their obsession with beating on him?

He stroked an arm up the boy’s neck and face to his short brown hair. It was soft and he grasped the back of Xander’s head gently. He didn’t want to talk any longer. He wasn’t good at words.

The boy’s arms tangled around him, one on the small of his back, the other in his hair as he laid out over Xander‘s body. He pressed their arousals together and Xander pulled back from the kiss with a groan. The boy’s eyes were closed and he wanted the kid to look at him. To finally see him now that he had revealed who he was. “Open your eyes, pet. See me.”

Brown eyes darkened by lust and widened by passion gazed into his and he rubbed himself against the boy.

Xander looked up into those blue eyes that looked so much deeper and darker now than ever before. Both of his hands were placed on Spike’s ass and he urged the vampire to add more pressure.

Their hips rocked together and he moaned into the vampire’s mouth. He ran his hands up the length of the blonde’s body, grasping at Spike’s shirt and pulling. He wanted that cool flesh against his own. He lifted the shirt over the blonde's head and the vampire’s gelled hair stuck up in some places.

Then cool hands were beneath his own shirt and he raised himself to help Spike rid him of his own. “Want to feel you,” he breathed in the vampire’s ear, reaching for the blonde's pants. He undid the button and zipper and then whimpered when Spike stood to kick off his docs and pull off his pants.

Instead of getting rid of the black denim fast to be touching Xander again, Spike was removing them slowly and Xander groaned as each new inch was revealed. Spike was a beauty clothed but he was even better naked and he stared up at the vision above him.

Spike groaned, looking down at the boy. Those brown eyes darkened and looked up at him as though they wanted to consume him. He was not at all against that idea. He knelt down, pulling off the boy’s sneakers, and then began to remove Xander's jeans.

It proved a bit of a challenge and he growled, using his vampire strength to pull them off in one sweep. The boy’s hips lifted to aid the removal but otherwise he didn’t move. Spike heard the denim rip but couldn’t care less and ignored it. Once he had all of the boy’s body revealed he sat back on Xander's thighs, looking him over.

The brunette's body was tanned, a large difference from the paleness of his own, but it was beautiful. Spike ran his hands over the boy’s body, relishing the heat and feel of it all. Xander squirmed beneath him and a whine escaped that beautiful mouth. Spike leaned down, taking those lips against his own, thrusting his tongue into the boy’s mouth.

Xander loved the look of that slender body before him. Spike's blue eyes were dark and slightly rimmed with gold and though Xander felt he should be afraid he couldn’t manage it. So yeah, Spike was a vampire, but he was a sexy vampire and the way he was kissing him? Xander wished it would never stop.

He arched his back, hips rising to rub himself against Spike, loving the soft slide of their skin against one another. The vampire’s tongue in his mouth and the hands roaming over his skin seemed to boil his blood unbearably.

“Got any lube, luv?” was whispered in his ear and he shuddered. He nodded.

“In-in my pocket.” Xander looked up into those stunning blue eyes as the scarred brow rose.

“Your jeans pocket?” Spike asked with a smirk and Xander nodded, hands running along firm thigh muscles.

Spike snorted. Who would have thought? The kid had been going to the club prepared. He made a mental note to ask later when exactly the boy had gotten the lube. He’s be pretty angry if it was before he had started anything with the kid, but if it was bought after…

He reached over to the jeans and searched though Xander's pockets. Condom’s, lube. At least his boy was a safe one. He tossed the condoms to the side--they wouldn’t be needing those-- and squeezed some lube out of the tube and onto his hands.

He mentally cursed, knowing he couldn’t do what he wanted to do, which was take the boy. Bloody chip would have a fit and he didn’t think Xander would have much of an experience with Spike howling and clutching his head. He would leave that to another day when they figured out a way around that. But for now he’d have to take the boy a different way.

He rubbed the lube between his hands and onto Xander’s erection. The boy’s eyes widened then began to close.

He loved how responsive the boy was.

Xander couldn’t believe the feeling, yet again, of Spike’s hands on his arousal. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to get used to the change. It was wonderful and Spike knew all the right things to do. He moaned and a small part of his mind registered the fact that Spike was slicking him up.

Slender fingers slid more easily over his erection now and Xander moaned as Spike stroked him with a firm grip. His hips bucked wildly and he panted for breath.

“Harder,” he said, eyes closed, head arching off the ground with the rest of his body. “Please Spike, oh god please.”

Spike loved to hear the boy beg but he wasn’t about to get him off with a hand job. They'd been there before, this was to be something different if Xander would just be patient.

Spike laughed inwardly. He wasn’t being quite so patient either. He was slicking himself up as well as he could with his unoccupied hand and the moment he thought he was ready he’d be plunging down on the firm hardness in his hand.

He hadn’t done this in quite a while but impatience won out and he straddled Xander’s hips, holding the boy in place and sliding down.

He groaned as the boy’s hips bucked and speared him further, faster. It might have been a while but he hadn’t forgotten what being filled felt like. And he hadn’t forgotten how much he liked it.

Xander’s eyes shot open as he felt the tight grasp around his erection. He groaned when he saw what was before him. Spike was sliding down onto him, eyes dark and chest heaving. Xander thought it was funny, the vampire breathing when he didn’t need to, but then the tight cavern he was being engulfed by was tightening and he couldn’t think much at all.

He had dreamed about something like this happening but had never thought it actually would. Spike’s body finally met Xander’s and he rocked back and forth.

Xander felt as though he had died. He had to have or else how could he be here right now experiencing something as wonderful as this? Spike began to rise and fall and Xander tried to speed up the process.

Spike grinned, panting and looking down at Xander’s face. It was filled with confusion, it was filled with pleasure and Spike liked the way those eyes looked up at him. The boy’s hands found his hips and those warm fingers tightened around him roughly. He groaned, thinking of the marks they would leave, even if they didn’t last very long.

The boy tried to thrust up but Spike hooked his legs around the boy’s own to restrain him. He placed his hands on Xander's chest, one right above the boy’s heart, and felt its quickened pace race through his arm and explode in his own chest.

“Like that do you, whelp?” Spike said, moving himself on the boy. “Like the way I feel around you. All tight and cool.”

He gasped as Xander’s fingers dug into his hips more, the pain only adding to his pleasure. “You want me to do it to you too, don’t you? Want me to slide myself into your tight little hole and fuck you raw?”

Xander groaned. He wasn’t even really paying attention to what Spike was saying but the accent was driving him wild. He nodded, fingers pressing into the soft flesh of the vampire’s hips, and tried to pay attention to the words.

“So many thing’s you don’t know, pet. Want me to teach ‘em to you, don’t ya? Tie you up and get you hot then make you beg for it.”

“Oh god, oh please, Spike, please.” Xander begged nonsensically.

“Please what, luv? What do you want from me, hmm?”

Spike grunted, a growl forming in his chest. He began to move himself down faster on the boy, harder.

“That, god just that!” Xander cried, hips bucking violently.

Spike grasped Xander’s strong shoulders past the point of teasing. He rode the boy for his release, angling himself to hit that special spot inside him that drove him mad. He heard Xander’s heart and breath hitch before he even heard the boy cry out or felt him erupt inside him.

A few more thrusts down into the boy and he was gone as well, shooting over that tanned chest. He collapsed down onto the strong body beneath him, lungs working for air as much as Xander’s.

The boy slipped out of him and he licked the over-heated chest beneath his head as he rubbed his release into Xander’s skin, marking his claim the only way he could.

Xander’s chest was heaving and he couldn’t seem to get a good breath. That was better than any other experience he had ever had and he'd liked the brutality of it all. His blood still felt as though it were burning his insides and he wished Spike didn’t have the chip.

Then he mentally scolded himself for thinking it and thanked every high being that Spike didn’t have the chip out. The vampire was rubbing his hand against Xander’s chest and he sighed. The feel of his body against him was making him feel all kinds of better.

He thought back to all those times at the club and wondered how he’d get back at the blonde for not telling him…though he did get the vampire's reasons for not.

Then he thought about what to tell Buffy and Willow and Dawn. And had to quickly jump away from those thoughts. He wasn’t even sure what was going on between him and Spike. But he did know he liked the vampire, and he really liked the feel of his smooth cool body against his own.

He realized his back was hurting and when he thought back on it figured they probably should have moved it into the bedroom. But then he reasoned he’d probably have wimped out before they'd even reached it so it was good that they hadn’t.

He wanted soft cushions beneath his back and head but wasn’t sure how to approach the subject of moving to the blonde. He wanted Spike under the covers with him but he wasn’t sure if the vampire would stay. He looked down at them and figured they could probably use a shower first anyway.

Spike tried not to make any sudden movements or any real sounds. He didn’t want the boy to suddenly wake up and realize what he had done and who he had done it with. He listened to the thumping of Xander’s heart and wondered why it wasn’t really slowing down, like Buffy’s usually had after one of their ’sessions’.

“Uh…” The sound was amplified in the boy’s chest. “Spike, I, uh…I think we could…”

Spike went to get up, certain the boy’s next words would be: ‘Think we could forget this ever happened, Spike? If you tell anyone I swear I’ll kill you in your sleep. Get out now.’ But they never came. He leaned up to look into brown eyes and saw the boy looked as though he were blushing. Though Spike thought that could have also been a result of the great fucking he had just given.

“I think...”

“Out with it, Harris,” Spike said coldly, not able to deal with the waiting.

“I think we could maybe…use a shower,” Xander finished, unable to look Spike in the eyes. Spike felt like he could kiss him so he did, enjoying the taste that was only Xander’s.

He stood, offering a hand down to the boy and pulling him up beside him. “Lead on, pet.”

Xander had been hurt when he heard Spike’s cold voice when he couldn’t get his offer out. But then he had looked into those blue eyes and witnessed hurt as well. He had looked away and then he was able to say it and suddenly Spike was lifting him from the ground and following him through the house to the bathroom.

The having sex with Spike was great and the having Spike looking at him with deep lust filled eyes was amazing but now that they were standing in the shower Xander found himself really nervous. All boundaries dropped, all walls shattered and Spike was looking at just him, just Xander Harris, and it made him feel inadequate.

“Turn around Xan.”

But then the blonde was soaping up his hands and telling Xander to turn, running slick hands down Xander’s back and touching, exploring.

“You’re so beautiful, luv,” was whispered in his ears, and he felt it. Felt it as much as those oddly warm hands on his chest and ass. As much as that slick finger running along his crack.

Spike admired the boy’s body more under the hot spray of water. Before it was all about wanting and taking but now he could appreciate the boy more. Slowly and expertly.

Then the boy was turning around, hair wet and eyes bright and his hands were slick and sliding against Spike. Touching and looking, exploring and mapping. He felt strong hands on his ass and then heard a small gasp.

He opened his eyes--which he hadn’t even noticed he'd closed-- and looked at the boy. Xander was running his fingers over the marks he'd left on Spike’s hips and, mouth opened just slightly, he ran his tongue over kiss swollen lips.

“Not even bruises yet, luv,” Spike whispered, not wanting to break the spell. “You should see ’em tomorrow morning.”

“Do they hurt?” Xander asked, hands ghosting over the reddened marks.

Spike shrugged. “Not much.”

“I’m sorry,” Xander replied half-heartedly, obviously aroused by the sight of them, and Spike couldn’t help but grin.

“Don’t be. I like the pain,” Spike said, running wet hands up the boy’s chest. “Besides, I like the idea of your mark on me.”

Xander inhaled.

“Want to mark me again?” Spike said seductively.

Xander’s eyes looked up, once again darkened, and Spike smirked. “Thought you might, luv.” He rested his back against the shower wall and pulled Xander against him, guiding the boy to his neck. “Bite me.”

Xander looked apprehensive. “Won’t that--” he stared at Spike’s neck, hand reaching up to touch “--hurt?”

Spike nodded, hand going to the back of Xander’s head. “Yeah, but I’ll like it.” He pushed the boy’s mouth to his neck.

The touch was light at first, just some nibbles and licks, but Spike pressed against the back of Xander’s head. “Do it, Harris. Bite me.” He wrapped his other arm around the boy's waist and pressed their newly awakened arousals together. Xander gasped. “Make me hurt.”

Xander sunk his teeth into Spike’s shoulder and bit down. Spike cried out and tightened his hand on the boy’s neck and his arm around the boy’s waist, rocking their erections together.

He growled deep in his throat and it mingled with grunts and groans on the way past his lips.

Xander couldn’t believe what he was doing. He was biting Spike. Biting a vampire; how mixed up was that? He was purposely hurting someone. But the sounds coming out of that pale mouth weren’t screams or cries for help.

They were moans and cries for more, harder. Xander felt the skin tear beneath his teeth and went to move away as blood flowed from the marks but Spike wouldn’t release his head and the vampire was making such sweet sounds. Xander noticed that Spike’s blood didn’t taste much different than his own, maybe a bit more coppery but, other than that, no real difference.

Except for the feeling he got when he swallowed it. He thought he might get sick, hurl, make a fool out of himself, but instead he liked the taste. It settled inside him, making the burn of his own blood settle, and he began to thrust against the blonde with just as much enthusiasm as the vampire was thrusting against him.

He groaned against the bite, releasing his hold and clamping down again, and Spike cried out, release shooting between their recently cleaned bodies.

The hold on his head was released and the hand rested on his neck. He let go of the bite to seek Spike’s mouth and Xander kissed him as his hips bucked against the Vampire. A few extra thrusts and he was gone as well, his essence shooting between them and mingling with Spike's own.

Spike couldn’t believe Xander had gone through with it, with biting him. He liked the taste of his blood in Xander’s mouth and couldn’t help but love the brunette.

He couldn’t stop his lungs from trying to breathe again and he ignored it in favor of kissing this amazing boy…no, man. This wasn’t the Xander he used to know and want, this was the Xander he now loved, held and had. This Xander was different, older, more mature, less of the doughnut trucking Zeppo of old and more of the boy toy extraordinaire he had met in the club.

He pulled the boy under the spray of water with him and cleaned them off yet again. When they got out of the shower the boy was drowsy so Spike picked him up and carried him to the bedroom as Xander pointed out its location .

Spike placed the boy on the bed, toweling him off and then slid him under the covers. He dried himself off then took a look around at the covered windows, hand stroking the bite at his neck, before getting into the bed behind Xander. He wrapped an arm around the boy and spooned up behind him, savoring the boy’s heat and heartbeat.

“I like you here,” a sleepy voice said quietly.

“I like me here too,” Spike replied, burying his head behind Xander’s neck and smelling the boy through all the soap. He gave a light kiss to the back of Xander's neck and dozed off as well.

The End

Feed the Author

Visit the Author's Website

The Spander Files