Rating: NC-17 - Warnings: General
Published: 09/04/2004
A/N: Somewhere in season four.



He's lost. Lost in that wonderful sensation of cool flesh against his own. It's like fire, burning him all over, inside and out. His heart close to bursting from emotions he knows he shouldn't feel. It's as though he's melting but he knows he'll never drop, his lover's arms strong around him, holding him where he is.

Cool fingers wrap around him and the slick of precum aids the strong stroke of fist. His heart's beating so much, so hard, he feels as if it's attempting to break free of his chest.

"Like that, pet?" That arousal roughened voice washes over him and he's falling with it, feeling worn soft leather beneath his back.

There's a mouth at his neck and he knows he should fear it, move away, but can't manage to do so. Tongue licks at collar and his head tilts to one side, fingers running over gelled strands to pull an eager mouth back up. Blunt teeth bite lightly and he's panting for more. Knows he shouldn't tempt but can't help doing so.

His body arches and he moans his need. His blood is boiling, aching to be released. And he's hot, clothes still restraining him from the fleshy contact he wants, he needs. And his pants are making a slow descent, freeing him of his confines, allowing the cool night air and the cool flesh above him to consume the heat.

Boxers and shirt follow and he's arching for more of that body above him which is still covered by rough clothes. He pulls at a cotton shirt, dragging it down over a shoulder desperately.

"Off," and his tone is pleading, he knows, but he couldn't care less. He wants, needs the soft smooth slide of skin on skin.

The weight above him begins to lighten and he pulls it back towards him. A snorted, "Need my arms to get it over my head, git," spoken into his mouth. Lips meet and he slips his tongue inside a cool cavern, searching out that talented muscle he knows resides within. A groan and this time not from him and his lover shudders. Vampire speed definitely a plus because there goes the body and there it is, back again. This time uncovered, glowing naked in the moon's light.

He can't believe it's happing again. He must be dreaming, maybe stuck in some white walled hospital in a coma, because life is never this good for him and he doesn't deserve this. Slim fingers grasp his arms roughly and he arches into the body above, a cool tongue running along his jaw. He tries not to think of what the others would say if they knew, if they found out. He knows it should be wrong, should make him feel something other the immense pleasure he's feeling now. But he can't help but think of times when Buffy had done the same. True, Angel was souled but wasn't it the same? Just as bad.

"Spike," he moans out as that clever tongue finds a nipple and laps at it. All doubts and negative thoughts get sucked right out of his mind at times like these. Maybe thatís why he's still here doing what he is. Maybe thatís why he never says no.

"Love it when you say my name, pet." And Xander loves it when Spike speaks. That voice thick with accent and arousal. He's never had a lover more passionate, more caring. And isnít that funny? A vampire his best, most gentle lover. Not that he has much to compare these moments to, but whenever he thinks over them his heart cries out and he just knows. Knows that it can never get better and he's damning himself by letting this continue. Because he's stuck. Drowning in everything that this is, that it could be. And when he's not with Spike or doesn't have the vampire's hands on him he's thinking about it. He can't get enough. He's addicted. And that's gotta be a bad thing but at the moment he couldn't care less.

He can feel Spike's arousal against his leg, long and hard and slick. He rubs against it and there are those sounds he loves to hear leave that mouth. Those whimpers, groans and growls that haunt his mind every second. And then kisses are placed down his chest and stomach, heading further down. And they feel so wonderful, make him feel as though he's being worshiped. And isn't that a thought, a nothing like him? But Spike never treats him like nothing. Not at times like these. Not before. Not after. With Spike he always feels wanted, needed. The small times they can get. Too short moments they can manage to steal away together.

Cool tongue laps at him and he can't help his body from rising off the ground. Can't help the sounds that escape him as he slips into that slick cavern. Spike moans around him and he cries out. It always makes him cry out. When he's deep inside that mouth, looking down at those blue eyes that gaze back at him, when that throat clenches around him and he can't hold onto himself any longer. When he loses another piece of himself to that man, that demon.

Spike smirks that all knowing smirk and lets go of Xander with one last lick and suck. "Love the way you sound, Xan. Way you look at me. Makes me so hot."

Lips search out his again and as that skilled tongue distracts slick fingers find their way inside him. He can taste himself in Spike's mouth and that always turns him on. To know that he's been there. That he can touch Spike, be with him in ways he can't when others are around. He cries out again when Spike hits that spot inside him. That sweet abyss he had never before known about. The place Spike always knows how to find and how to touch. The Vampire could play him like no one could. Spike the musician and him the instrument. The only one ever able to get him to make those desperate sounds.

A groaned needy, "Please," and he's pushing down on those fingers but they aren't enough. He craves more. Wants it, *needs* it.

"Want something, luv?" Spike teases and he knew this would happen. The vampire never just takes. Always makes him want it, beg for it. Never just assumes, always waits for Xander to speak the words. And at the time he hates it, wishes Spike would just take him, but later when he thinks over it his heart will hurt again. Because Spike cared that much. Needed to know it was okay before going ahead. And Xander has a plan to one day make the vampire finally believe him. That he wants him, with him, in him always. That the vampire can take him 'cause he belongs to him.

"...in me..." he grounds out, pushing again onto those fingers. And when they are pulled out he whimpers even though he knows whatís coming. Because when Spike pulls away he's always afraid he'll stop, think better and leave. But no, there's that pushing at his entrance. And the sweet burn as Spike pushes in, Xander's legs hooked over his shoulders. And Xander tries to pull Spike in quicker but the vampire is holding his hips. When finally flesh meets Xander kisses what he can reach of Spike. Grabbing hold of a hand and lacing it with one of his own above his head, causing the vampire to come closer.

He ignores the twinge as his legs protest. He loves it like this. It allows him to remember things longer the next day, when his legs are stiff and he can still feel Spike inside him. Allows him to get through a day at least semi-normally. Not as desperate to have Spike all over him like he normally is.

Spike groans, beginning to move, and Xander meets his slow thrusts with eager hips. The burn ebbing away for that blissful feeling of pleasure. This is the time when the world seems to stop. Everything silent except for the sounds Spike and he are making. Everything gets pulled out of his head except for the feeling and the need to reach that ultimate peak of pleasure. Spike quickens his thrusts and Xander meets his pace and everything around them is breaking. Shattering for them. This world where they can't be together being destroyed and pushed away for the one where they can. "Xanpet." And Spike is turning, gold eyes emerging, brow folding. And above him is the Demon who Spike really is. And he's so proud because it took so long for Spike to reach a point where he could do this without hiding his face from Xander. Finally understanding that Xander loved him no matter what he was. Knew Spike was the demon and didn't care.

Xander licks and kisses Spike's brow, causing the vampire to buck harder inside him. He was close he could tell, they both were. Pace quickening even more and Spike latches his arms around Xander to bring the boy's upper body off the ground. Hitting that sweet spot inside Xander again and again until Xander can't take it anymore and is shooting his release between them. Spike thrusting and following right after. Slipping out and collapsing beside the boy, kissing him and murmuring love and promises of forever in his ear. Scooping Xander's release off of his body and rubbing into the coat beneath them.

Xander knew it was Spike's way of saying he was his. That they belonged to each other. His way of claiming when the world wouldn't allow. He kissed back tiredly, eyes drooping closed. One day he would find a way. A way to have Spike take him when he wanted, be with him always. A way to defy the PTB. They belonged together and chip or no chip Xander would find a way for Spike to claim him. And then they would tell the news to the others even if they had to run away together. To be safe, to be happy, to be loved. Xander wouldn't let go, even if he truly didn't deserve this. "Love you." His whispered before allowing sleep to take him.

"Love you, pet." Spike whispered back. They belonged together and he would fight to keep it that way. They were claimed and no one could ever change that.

The End

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